twilight: a summary

BELLA moves to new town. Upon arrival, she is immeitally loved by all.

In new school, Bella sees group of freakishly pale people, who are all wearing white, like it’s 1997 and like labour day hasn’t past. All except one. One boy, who we later learn is EDWARD. Bella and Edward stare uncomfortably at each other for inexplicable reasons.

NEXT SCENE: Bella enters science classroom. All is well, until Bella walks in front of a fan, fanning her hair IN SLOW MO bringing her tasty delicious scent to Edward’s nostrils. Edward’s eyes fill with hate and he abruptly leaves the room.

Edward is absent for weeks. Edward returns, and is back in science class.

He tries to make the most uncomfortably awkward conversation I have ever seen on a screen to date.

“You’re asking me about the weather?” Bella manages to choke out in her strange form of speech. [ YES Bella. The weather. It isn’t THAT odd. ] Bella and Edward become friends…sort of.

Stuff happens. Edward saves Bella from a potential car accident. Dr.Cullen looks undeniably gay. More close-ups ensue.

Bella does some hard-core Googling. She realises that Edward is IMPOSSIBLY FAST. Has COLD SKIN. Doesn’t come out in the DAYLIGHT [ due to body glitter, but we’ll get there later. ]

In a smart move, she confronts Edward, alone, in the forest. “I know what you are,” she says, trembling even though she’s had the whole night to think about it. “SAY IT!” Edward demands. “A VAMPIRE. “

twilight: why it sucked

<li>The horribly awkward chemistry between Edward and Bella

<li>The ugliness of Edward

<li>how…long…it….took each…sentence….to…form

<li>the strange exasperated sounds Bella would add in for each and every emotion

<li> Jacob’s nose

<li>The extreme body glitter that keeps Edward out of the sun.

<li>The uncomfortably long close-ups.

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